Lately I don't like much. Or the things I do like are... little and temporary and generally unhealthy. So. A slightly depressing turn from a slightly depressed blogger. I do /not/ like:

1) mass denial and irresponsible parenting. Seriously. Aren't you supposed to be a little less stupid and a tiny bit less selfish by the time you hit 50 and have five children?

2) Insecurity. Mine, yours, his, hers, theirs.

3) Mean people. There are a surprisingly large number of mean people, and I'm starting to worry that I'm one of them. I think it's mostly accidental. I'm distracted and tired and depressed and so I don't pay attention to much and then I realize, once it's too late, that I've been inexcusably rude to someone, often a total stranger, and I mostly want to run after him or her and apologize and explain, but then I realize that doing so would make me mean /and/ weird /and/ creepy.

4) Arrogance and condescension. Especially the kind cloaked in disingenuous helpfulness.

5) Almost everything I read lately. I seem to have lost the ability to be inspired, or even stirred, by writing. I think I'm really hoping to stumble across the person who is having all the sapient thoughts I think /I/ should be having, except that no one appears to be doing so... or the answer is always "it's more complicated than that" and so I'm always disappointed and impatient. Basically, I'm whiny and disillusioned and tired of reading things that aren't quite convincing.

5) Sarah leaving the province for over a month. This just sucks. Seriously.

But there are some things I like. Few and far between, but they're there. I'm kind of addicted to Queer as Folk. Rent it, if only to drool over Brian.

I quite like spring. It's sunny and walks are once again possible and so is swinging.

I'm a fan of my little brother being home again.

I was pretty jazzed to read Sarah's last post. Yes to all of it (although I honestly haven't tried the antiperspirant and, given that I don't have this perspiration problem, I probably won't)

Mostly I think I need to learn to take care of myself. You would think I'd have this covered by now, at 23, but I totally don't. I need to feed myself properly and establish routines and sleep regular hours and do things that make me feel like I'm worthwhile all on my lonesome. I need to learn to do just that /well/ and then maybe...

And in commemoration of our final days together for six weeks...


We are both baffled by this store. It's on Jasper around 105St. Do women with careers have particular bridal dress needs unnecessary for the rest of us commonfolk? Do the dresses come with built in power suits underneath? Sarah, feel free to hypothesize further...


Again, both baffled. What sort of parties are the catholic elementary students having? What kind of party does spring suggest? I really hope there are raves going on in the gymnasium.

Also, while walking yesterday we passed graffiti that read "ballz the fuck deep". ??? It was scrawled on a "one way" sign that was high enough that the writing of this particular message would have been a significant challenge requiring planning and some sort of elevating device. We took this to indicate that the message must have had some deep significance to the author. We are still attempting to discern what this might be. Feel free to brainstorm with us...

Some of you who know me (too) well will know that I have a grandfather who died of Alzheimers, and am also a sort of rabid hypochondriac, and the combination of the two have led me to avoid aluminum whenever possible, since it's been linked to an increased risk of the disease.

You will also know that I sweat rather much for a girl, by which I do not mean I get a little flush during exersize, but that I produce the fluid in quantities which would embarrass a professional football team.

Those of you who are into that kind of thing will know that all working deodorant on the market contains aluminum as an active ingredient, and that rubbing it near your lymph nodes daily concerns me, and should probably concern you, but also that those freaking crystal health food replacements are about as effective as crystal reading would be in preventing perspiration.

So, you will understand how delighted I was to discover Adidas has a new line of aluminum free anti-perspirant! So delighted I actually squealed a little in that aisle of the drug store. You should all go get some. It also smells delicious and is neat looking.

And, I started my day with a 5K fundraiser walk with my mum, which was an excellent way to spend Mother's Day - we didn't race really, it was just early morning chat times, a good view and a chance to see my mum be really proud of something she did.

Once upon a time when things were really hard, Laura came at me with the reminder that I don't need to think so far ahead - I only need to do what it takes to survive this second, really. That's all I have to worry about. Anything more is overwhelming and unnecessary - I can handle one more second though, no matter how bad things are.

Things aren't quite as hard, now, I hope, for either of us - we're out of that level of triage, maybe, at least a little. And today I came across the phrase "Just do the next right thing". It seems like a good bit to graduate onto. There's a lot I can't control right now, there's a lot I should not try to control - there are a lot of things I hope for, ache for, wish for, doubt, fear and wonder about. There are a lot of places that seem impossible to get to, a lot of stuff I don't think I will ever know, a lot of things I am not certain about and do not know how to decide. I can't make any of this happen, wholesale. I can't, if I'm honest, really make any of it happen at all. I can only do the next right thing. And that sounds like something I can handle.

(Also, I found a bag of mini-eggs in my brother's room today, looking for a memory card for my digital camera that he bought me before he left. I like mini-eggs, and I like my camera and I like that I'm going to be using it in Quebec soon, and I like that I'm a little scared by that, but mostly I like my family, adopted and not, quite a lot.)